Judge, 1929-11-23 · page 9 of 36
Judge — November 23, 1929 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Woman-Thing Aboard!" - Judge Magazine Satire This is a satirical story about a young woman raised among sailors who has reached adulthood without understanding sex. The humor relies on the contrast between her innocent naïveté and the crude maritime setting. The narrative mocks both Victorian prudishness (her father's embarrassed avoidance of the topic, consulting an encyclopedia under "S") and male incompetence—multiple sailors ("Horrible" Olsen, "Vulgar," old Britches) are equally unable or unwilling to explain sex, offering only vague, contradictory definitions ("abstract quantity," "frost on the pumpkin," "everywhere"). The illustrations show intimate moments between the narrator and crew members in suggestive poses. The joke satirizes outdated sexual attitudes and education taboos of the era, presenting the situation as absurdly comic—that a woman could reach adulthood in such ignorance, and that grown men would be equally flustered by basic questions. The tone is lighthearted social commentary on repression and awkwardness around sexuality.
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JUDGE Woman-Thing Aboard! <= sis Yet for Seventeen Years I lived in the Fo’c’stle Among the Mate- Hungry Sailors of My Father’s Crew “No, Father.” T insisted, “I've told you everything.” “Think back, Jun “Did one of the ever happen to mention a thing called he urged. sailors Father.” I carnestly. I heard of Sex.” “Something must have happened,” said peevishly. peated. said never Father ather,” Tre othing happened.” atehed his head thoughtfully. “Well, maybe he said. opening his encyclopedia to “S” and burying himself in his books; and the little ineid was soon forgotten. Yet it had served to open my eyes We swam together in the pearly lagoons of the South Seas. “Tell me ” T pleaded about ~ to a new and hitherto unsuspected world about me; and I determined to discover more about this mysterious thing called Sex which Father had mentioned. Unfortunately none of the crew was able to help me. What is Sex?" Is d “Horrible” Olsen, the first mate, while sitting in his lap one night. “T don't know,” he sigl vutting his arms around me. “T never heard of it, either. “Oh, yes, you have, too,” I pouted. ing that.” “No, I'm not,” he said. Sex than you do.” “You're just say- I don’t know any more about Vulgar, the second mate, We were sitting in a life-boat tog and he was embracing me tenderly. “Tell me about Sex.” 1 pleaded, stroking his hair. “I'm sorry, June,” he sighed. “I'm just a simple sailor, and like all simple sailors Iam a man of actions and not words. And please don’t talk so loud or you'll wake up your Fath en old Brite h for knowledge. Sex is an abstract quantity,” he said. frost on the pumpkin, the dew on the 1 on a maiden’s cheek. ly uncommunicative, ther, as it happened, was not of much use to me in my “Sex is the the first blush Sex is power. Sex is truth, Sex is two times three. Sex is everywhere. Birds have it. Beasts have it. Fish have it. on the angleworm has it,” he concluded, “provided you look at it from the angle.” ave I got it?” I asked. “I was coming to that,” said old Britches gently. At length I determined to lay the whole problem be- fore Father. I handed him the frayed rope’s end, stretched myself upside down across his knee, and smiled (Continued on page 29) comicbooks.com