Judge, 1929-11-23 · page 5 of 36
Judge — November 23, 1929 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Analysis: "You Can't Have Your Coke and Eat It" This is a satirical advice column by "Bare Macadam" addressing women's romantic expectations. The title is a play on the phrase "you can't have your cake and eat it too," substituting "Coke" (likely referring to Coca-Cola, a popular social beverage of the era). The satire mocks women who fantasize about glamorous romantic encounters in upscale settings while ignoring their actual circumstances. The author ridicules unrealistic dreams of meeting wealthy suitors ("gallant young Galahad"), advising instead on practical self-improvement through diet, exercise, and hygiene. The piece satirizes both women's romantic daydreams and the advertising culture promising transformation through consumption—whether fancy nightclubs or beauty products. It's fundamentally commentary on class aspirations and the gap between fantasy and reality.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
BPONEDEPONEDEONDEPONEP OR A SKC Y2OR Judge’s Burlesque of True Story Jack Suurriewort, Editor Jack Ciuert, Associate Editor Grorce Jeas Natias Ricnaro J. Watsit Siosey S. Lenz Contributing Editors AS) | 3 : ‘ ‘ : > £ ‘ By You Can't Have Your Coke and Eat Tt By BARE MACADAM ALL-FLOWER ! How many girls, powdering their noses behind a hanging or group of rubber-plants ata dance, have heard this epithet lightly bestowed on them by a swarm of laughing swains! ENBDERR? CRAMDEZAN Every vibrant woman loves the attentions of men, the old-world courtliness, the gentle pressure of their hands in some expensive cabaret with subdued rose-colored lights, black velvet-covered walls and gold silk-draped ceilings as the saxophone warbles with agonizing voluptuousness a passionate memory and the ‘cello moans its hot-house fragrance as tan- talizing and elusive as tender nostalgias. 3, What radiantly alive woman has not dreamed of a gallant young Galahad in shining armor on a prancing steed pouring sweet nothings into her rosy ears as the subtle music of guitars tinkles ‘neath a magic Spanish moon? Alas! many dream romances have been built on the insecure foundation of a muddy complexion or splay feet, soon to topple when the cold light of reality filters through the windows of your love nest. MSEEKMICRKATIE: Will your natural womanly allure draw him back or will he too dismiss you with an airy “She's just a ‘wall-flower’, Mother; why, she hain’t even got no native poise!” Are you gawky, ill-fed, shuffling. niggardly, verbose, obtuse; chauvinistic, slovenly, resur- gent, diffuse, or a common carrier? Are you witless, befuddled, brash, callow, a manic- depressive, born under Sagittarius; in short, witch ridden? 3 Do not attempt to find dewy sweetness and twinkling charm in beauty parlors, but follow a few simple rules of correct living. C 3 Stay indoors as much as possible and eat more flaky and starchy foods. Sleep till three in the afternoon and bathe your Rand-McNally daily with a bottle of olive-oil. : = 4 : : Cleopatra never crawled through the underbrush on her hands and knees hunting for golf balls. She hadn't seen her knees for years. Her idea of exercise was reaching for another chocolate-covered almond. But she was Cleopatra, and with your start you too can be something. Begin now on a sensible diet of nut fudge with whipped cream and angel-food cake with marshmallow icing, and watch the men buzz round you like flies at your next social ap- pearance. You may have a task sorting out the men from the flies; you may even decide to throw away the men and keep the flies. Suit yourself; at least the flies can’t call you wall-flower, and you will have had some fun stuffing yourself. SSCEKNESCEA MOEA OC AMIDE’ XLOCPADS SERVER OCK pss . ys under act of March 3, < at, Jamaica ne t York. N and copyri 2 idimtne US. ang © in. Presi s e : W . er: Joseph T. Cooney weeretary, a Bet Rew Vorks Nov is called : protected under the pro= 1.8. 2 | icbhooks.com