Judge, 1929-11-02 · page 8 of 36
Judge — November 2, 1929 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis of Judge Magazine Page This page contains three distinct pieces of humor: 1. **"Obituary for a Man Who Kept a Schoolboy Complexion"** — A satirical poem mocking men obsessed with youthful appearance, suggesting vanity about skin care is ridiculous. 2. **"The Call of the Highway"** — A poem by Carroll Carroll expressing wanderlust and desire to escape domestic indoor life, humorously listing complaints about staying home (gazing at ceilings, spending on humble clothes, leaning weight on bars). 3. **"Twelve Inches Don't Always Make a Foot"** — A humorous story by Dick Boyle about a bachelor purchasing a canary bird marketed as a great singer, only to discover it's missing a leg. The proprietor's response—asking if he wanted a "singer or a dancer"—is the punchline, playing on the word "foot" (measuring unit versus body part). All pieces use wordplay and absurdist humor typical of early 20th-century satirical magazines.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE Obituary for a Man Who Kept a Schoolboy Complexion He knew not the blight Of eczema's sad woe. His skin wv white As Heaven-sent snow, Yet here in this niche Lies Wellington Glass Who died from The Itch To Step on The C —Artucr L. Li The Call of the Highway I long for the open road and the sky, For the wind in my hair as my prey takes flight; For a place to unlimber my gun and try To live by my wits and prove my might. I'm sick of living a life indoors, Of gazing at ceilings instead of stars, Of spending my days at hum- drum chores And evenings leaning my weight on bars. I'm sad at the thought of the sports I miss, Being cooped up here as my checks grow pale; And the thought I want to get over's this: I'd certainly like to get out of jail. —Carroit Carrot “It's Election little bonfire!” Huspaxp—Does it male you nervous to have someone looking over your shoulder while you work? itnay Gextieman — (suffering from acute cold in the nose spelling word on ’phone—B, Twelve Inches Don’t Always Make a Foot A lonely bachelor paused be- fore a bird store and gazed in at the beautiful canary birds. “Ah,” thought the bachelor, “a pet canary will rid my apart- ment of all gloom and loneliness with his melodious singing.” And entering the store, he asked to be shown the best singer that they had regardless of cost. The proprietor immediately produced a golden bird and as- sured the bachelor that here was a bird possessed of the voice of an opera star. Purchasing the bird and a brilliantly gilded cage, the bach- clor promptly set out for home. Arranging his newly purchased canary in a most conspicuous corner in his apartment, the bachelor was thrilled beyond all expectations by the most melo- dious singing he had ever heard. Then scrutinizing the canary more closely he discovered that it had only one leg. Infuriated, the bachelor seized the bird cage and dashed back to the bird store. “What's the big idea of selling me a canary bird with only one leg?” he cried. “Well, he can sing, can’t he?” asked the proprictor. “Yes, I'll admit that he can sing and sing beautifully, but—” protested the bachelor. “But what?" interrupted the proprietor. “Did you want a singer or a dancer?” —Dicx Boyte comicbooks.com