Judge, 1929-09-21 · page 9 of 36
Judge — September 21, 1929 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Club Breakfast" by Jack Cluett This is a humorous complaint about restaurant ordering inefficiency. A diner attempts to order from a numbered menu (e.g., "Number 5"), but insists on customizing nearly every element—substituting items, adding extras, requesting specific preparations. The waiter and companion repeatedly note that these modifications defeat the purpose of the numbered system, which exists precisely to avoid such complications. The satire targets customer indecision and the false economy of "à la carte business"—the irony being that ordering by number should save time, yet the diner spends even more time negotiating substitutions than simply ordering individual items would take. The illustration of a lighthouse in stormy seas reinforces the caption "Where is our wandering Buoy tonight?"—a visual pun suggesting the diner's meandering, directionless ordering process.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Club Breakfast “Don't put down grapefruit, Warren. You don’t have down grapefruit. Can't the number on the men Well, you order by number in- stead of putting each thing down, Let's see—I want sliced oranges. .. «Sliced oranges and corn flakes. .-. With cream....Corn flakes with cream. ... What kind of eggs has number 4, Warren? ... I don't want scrambled eggs. I guess I'll have to take 5. What's 5 got? . + Let's see, now: sliced oranges and corn flakes with cream and boiled eggs. . .. Boiled ¢ minutes, and toast... . ‘T marmalade, I guess. . . . Toast and marmalade and coffee... . Sliced oranges, corn flakes with cream, boiled eggs, toast and mar- Je, and coffee... . . Don’t write it down, Warren, just put ‘number 5.’ What do you sup- pose the numbers are for? See, stupid; it says: ‘Order by num- her.” “Waiter. Two number 5's. You'll have number 5, won't you, dear? ... All right, Waiter; make Mr. Evan's number 5 without cereal. ... Oh, I see. That mg it a number 3, doesn’t it one of those .~+-Onmy 5, W want my oranges sli .. Fruits are extra on 3, 4nd 5? Then, can I put down 5 and sliced oranges? . Warren; under the 5 put sliced gesinabracket. I’msubstitut- ing toast for corn muffins on my 5. Waiter, is that all right? ... I see. arren, put down buttered toast under sliced oranges so they won't bring me the corn muffins. «.. Well, look he aiter. In that case I could take 4 and sub- stitute boiled eggs for scrambled; then that would give me toast in- stead of muffins... . Oh, yes; so it does. But what about the chipped beef, which I don’t want? Warren, could you cat a portion of chipped beef? .. . Bring it anyway—Mr. Evan will probably change his mind... . Yes, I want buttered toast and marmalade, Waiter. Better put down buttered toast and marma- lade, Warren, so I won't get muf- fins or something. . . . Oh, you have toast down, haven't you? Well, put ‘buttered’ in to put 1 see ast and paren- JUDGE “Where is our wandering Buoy tonight?” s so they won't bring me dry st... . Now put down mg de... . No. He won't re- member, dear. What do you think the check is for? . Well, good lord, put down m-a-r-m, if there isn’t room. “IT get boiled eggs with 5,don’t I, Waiter? ... Yes, I want them three minutes. . .. Warren, under my 5 put ‘boiled eggs, three minutes,’ underlined, so they won't go and make them soft boiled... . Now, let’s see if you've got that right, Warren. . .. It's better to write it, isn’t it, Waiter? Then there will be no mistake. 2... There, Now put cn arrow pointing up between nd boiled ¢ ist the way it's down there... . «One number 5, corn flakes and cream, buttered toast and marma- lade, and coffee.’ “Now, what about your 3, War- ren? .. . You've written it all out!.,. Each item? ... What do you think the numbers are for? You waste more time picking around with that expensive @ la carte business when the whole thing is as clear as daylight right under number 3. —Jack Crverr 's better. 1 oranges,