Judge, 1929-09-07 · page 13 of 36
Judge — September 7, 1929 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis of Judge Magazine Page **"The Mystery of the Empty Pews"** is a gentle satire about a church rector puzzled by his congregation sitting only in rear pews. The sexton reveals the solution: Mr. Floop, a theater box-office clerk, is ushering today. The joke relies on the implication that Floop's presence—likely his poor reputation or smell—drives worshippers away from the front. **"I Know A Girl"** satirizes a woman's profound ignorance of famous American authors and cultural figures. She confuses: - Robert Chambers (author) with an apartment building - Zane Grey (Western writer) with a paint color - Rupert Hughes (author/judge) with a Supreme Court justice - Ring Lardner (sports columnist) with a grocery store - S.S. Van Dine (mystery writer) with the ocean liner S.S. Berengeria The satire mocks both her pretense of enjoying "popular fiction" while demonstrating she knows nothing about actual popular writers of the era. It's a class-conscious joke about superficial cultural consumption.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SAORI The absent-minded trombone player goes home from work. The Mystery of the Empty Pews T rector of St. Swithin’s was in the midst of his usual Sun- day discourse. From. tin time 1 questioni his ¢ ation of —somn worshippers, and his chastely sculptured brow would ruffle thoughtfully. Strange, he mused as he automatically droned out mellifluous phrases, that these worshippers should today be ensconced in the pews towards the rear, leaving the front ones quite empty. What could it be that had caused his flock to avoid these front pews? He searched his mind, but no answer proffered itself. The service ended, he immedi- ately sought the sexton—Phelps, good fellow, might throw some light upon this mystery. Phelps,” he opened quietly, “listen closely: Today all the front pews of the church were quite empty, whereas the rear pews were quite filled up. Now here is enigma, Phelps, that baf- fles. St. Swithin’s must have no stigma of mystery. What, I say, can all this me: “Why, bless you, dominie,” smiled Phelps, “that's easy— didn’t you notice t Mr. Floop was taking the place today of one of the ushers, who is away?" “Floop? Floop?” muttered the rector. Suddenly light — burst upon him, and he nodded his head, satistied. The mystery of t pty pews was solved. Mr. Floop, he remembered, sold tickets in the box-otlice of a large New York theatre. —Hat Ssirit “Oh, Emma, bring the basket, I found some eggs!” I Know A Girl— She thinks Robert Chambers is. the name of a bachelor’s apa ment house, that Zane Grey is the new color for Fall, and that Rupert Hughes is a justice of the supreme court, but she says she just “dotes” on popular. fiction. When I asked her if she liked Kyne's stories she said, “kind or unkind it didn’t matter to her.” She claims she's not the type who demands a happy ending but she says she can't see any use in just being “morbid” about everything. It is her idea that Lardner is where the groceries are kept and that Gouverneur Morris has been in office quite long enough. She says she thinks he ought to give someone else a chance. When I said to her, “Do you know Sir Philip Gibbs?” she re- plied that she wasn’t very inter- ested in philanthrop pecially English—so long a didn't benefit by them, She thinks Irvin Cobb is a I player, that) Montague lass is a special kind of window mate and that Don Marquis is a Spaniard. I got to talking about S. Dine, and she told me she hi confess she'd only been to Europe once and that she went on the S. S. Berengeria, But she's heard so much about this Van Dine, she says next time she’s go- ing to sail on it. —Canrrort Carnoir comicbooks.com